Special Memories of Paul by… Darrell DeRochier

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

I had the great fortune to meet Paul 14 years ago through his wonderful wife, Suzanne. Over the years Paul and I became very good friends, so much so that I considered him more of a brother than a friend. He was smart, witty, genuine, empathetic, funny, talented, thoughtful and an amazing friend. I still don’t want to believe that I will never see him again. The world seems a little scarier to me without him.

During times of difficulty and loss, Paul was my support. No one gave me the unique and generous support that Paul did. Paul was one of the very few people on the planet that I could actually cry in front of. His compassion and his wisdom helped me through some of my darkest days. There are no words to express the appreciation I feel for him helping me through those rough times.

What I’ll miss almost as much as Paul’s compassion was his innate sense of fun. He loved a good laugh and we continually pulled pranks each other over our 14 year friendship. He wrapped my entire car up in yellow police tape, switched the polarity on my light switches, left me ominous messages on my shower wall with Scrabble tiles, and made me outlandishly tacky gifts, like a lamp made from a prest-o-log with a black, plastic plant pot for a shade. (It worked, of course. Paul insisted that I plug it in and turn it on.)

I thought I’d pulled a good one on Paul when I left a seven foot fabric palm tree on his front porch while he and Suzanne were in Hawaii. (Heh-heh-heh). But after he returned he did not mention it at all. I asked him about it and showed him the picture, and he laughed, saying it was a good joke but the tree had been stolen before he and Suzanne had returned home. I believed him.

Ten months later the fabric palm tree came back to haunt me thanks to Paul’s creativity and patience. He staged it in our carport festooned with hundreds of blinking Christmas lights. It flashed so brightly that two of our neighbors had to keep their blinds closed. It was Christmas time and we had our outdoor lights up. Between the house lights and the flashing palm tree, our house looked like a gay disco from the 70’s. But the joke didn’t end there. Paul followed up with a calendar showcasing how the fabric palm tree had spent the last 10 months. There were pictures of it in Freemont tourist spots, in our friends’ yards, and in playgrounds. The December picture showed the fabric palm in a Christmas tree lot with the caption, “I think I’m adopted…”

In 1992 after I had to put my sweet, young cat, Trixie to sleep, Paul gave me one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received. Through my tears I asked Paul why Trixie was taken from me while she was still so young. Paul responded, “There is no why. There is only what you gave to her and what she gave to you.”

Paul gave me support and laughter and great food and heartfelt companionship over our 14 year friendship. I am a better person because I knew him. I will always miss him. But, mostly, as heavy as my heart is, I am filled with gratitude that I had him in my life.

Darrell DeRochier
Edmonds, Washington

Categories: Paul Kitwin

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